You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
