K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
