Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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