I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Dicks are not precious.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
