how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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