his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
