I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
