I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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