Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
