omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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