do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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