So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
