my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
