you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize