You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
