I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
