I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
