tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
my being single is dangerous.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
