I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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