there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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