stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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