She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
