Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
