He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Drunk is not a location!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
