I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
