My hair reeks of homosexuality.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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