so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Dignity is for republicans.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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