so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
