I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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