I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
