You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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