Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
