so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
