i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize