Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
it was like eating out sand paper
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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