Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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