I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
