I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
