He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
