Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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