my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize