Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
our cab driver is having phone sex.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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