if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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