She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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