At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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