Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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