I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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