Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
