I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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