i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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