I'm really into asian looking animals
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
