Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
