I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
