I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
