youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
