But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
