Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
