I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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