Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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