a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
