I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
