One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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