Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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