I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
