I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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