Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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