the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
