He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
