And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize