We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
