i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
