Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
