i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
