God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
