my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
