If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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