3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
well you can't waste a boner
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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