You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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