I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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