omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
