so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
