yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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