well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
