i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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