i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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