I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
