walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The adults are the big ones right?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
